Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What comes when you least expect it to come?

Hiccups.!

It stays until I:

 Gulp down countless gallons of water (Makes me think about shifting my workstation nearest to the loo)

 Eat sugar or gulp down a big ball of rice ( these resources would be unavailable on the spot)

 Hold breath until I’m almost dead ( I would die to get rid of it !)

 People around me take the ongoing conversation into their court. ( Situational advantage)


 The morons across the table who are entertained by the whimsical show are out of breath.

And, not necessarily in that order. Sometimes one has to live with such irrational tendencies. Sigh..! Inbuilt ways of being publicly embarrassed..!

Hiccup Occurrence:

If you have read till here, you might have understood that I have nothing to write about. Although that is partially true, I really got pissed off with hiccups today, which extended its occurrence like a mega serial. Halt and think before you write me off saying that I am unbelievably silly. There is an interesting group discussion going on.. the hiccup descends on me for no reason at all, and it refuses to leave my damn throat after repeated attempts of breath holding and gulping down gallons of water! Isn’t it embarrassing? GRR. Now the group is so amused by the show that they laugh their heads off . God save these pessimistic morons.

The spasmodic contraction of diaphragm !@$%^&*(! Well that was the definition of hiccup I got when I googled it.

Lord,
Lead us not into hiccups and deliver us from embarrassment.

*HICCK—UP *!

Monday, September 21, 2009

If only I could..

1.Seize all the street dogs in Bangalore, and dump them at Maneka Gandhi’s house. *Evil grin*

2. Suggest all gadget makers to make gadgets- especially cameras, tolerant to water and rough handling, so that people like me are allowed to touch them.

3. Make pop corns at theatres cheap so that I can afford and eat them peacefully, without calculating the number of movie tickets I could have bought with the same amount. Moreover, during some Hindi movies, these are the only reasons which keep me awake.

4.Send an invitation to Queen Elizabeth to visit my parents so that Mummy has a reason to use her best crockery.

5.Convince Papa to stop smoking. Cigarettes should be denied to Papa from every store, even if he agrees to pay double the price or more.

6.Install repellant rays in front of my car so that either people or animals crossing the road during my arrival will be temporarily paused and I can have a peaceful drive and they can have a longer life.

7.Rats and cockroaches should be banished from the surface of the earth and theory of eco cycle revised.

8.Make all vessels microwaveable and microwaveable vessels unbreakable.

9.Revise Christian wedding wows, which say that the bride should ‘obey’ and groom should ‘love’. Does it mean that the bride doesn’t necessarily have to ‘love’ and the groom doesn’t know what the word ‘obey’ means?

10.Ask God to show some mark of acknowledgement by which we can be sure that He was listening to our prayers. There should not be any typical signs by which we can understand that He is angry, especially during salary revision.

11.Good looks, intelligence, talents and culinary skills must not only be inherited by the first kid of a family. Research should be done by scientists to have some of these left for the second kid also.

12.Ensure that personal issues like tooth decay, be available only to people whom we authorize. It should not be celebrated in the family with occasional irritating sighs of ‘No one else in the family has problems with teeth’.

13.There shouldn't be anything called a ‘ripe age for marriage’ and every girl/boy should be excused from the torture and stigma associated with it.

14.A five minute delay for going to the doctor/vegetable shopping/movie should be tolerated with patience. One should not be stared and silenced as if we are late for the All India Entrance Examination.

15.Lock my sister in a room of my house, with access to food for a day and make her watch animal planet. (She hates animals ).

16.Adult movies can be watched only after 18. But there is no age limit for cartoons. No one should be underestimated for watching cartoons.

17.In corporate circles, a person should be granted the right to choose the person who evaluates him.

18.The cost of Golden Retrievers and Pugs should drop so that people other than The Ambani’s can afford them. (My cousin should be allowed to keep a Neopolitan Mastiff, which she identifies as her ‘Prince Charming’). Such dogs should inherently eat less.

19.Biscuits should be less brittle so that the place where we eat it is not littered. Even if it does, it should not attract ants, but it should still be sweet. Even if it attracts ants, it should not be considered as a grave mistake and people should not be forced to sit at the dining table to eat biscuits.

‘Anita! Are you done with the coding?’

What?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Onam News..!

Gadget shopping, when the festival discounts are at a full swing is a great idea. It turns out to be even more exciting when it is raining heavily outside, the credit card machine doesn’t work and one has to run in the rain to withdraw the amount from the ATM. I rush out of the ATM with the withdrawn amount, having Papa waiting outside and he notices me carrying the money in my hand in exactly the same way as it had come out of the machine. The whole series of affairs is at its peak of glory when I have to put his handkerchief (which is nearly close to the dimensions of a bead spread) on my head (I know it doesn’t help, but I do it for Papa) when it’s raining cats and dogs, the way we can’t see each other, but I still can make out each and every word of Papa on how to fold money safely after coming out of an ATM and not provoke onlookers in the queue, as it is a bad, bad world.

Back home, it’s a cozy, happy Onam with Papa, Mummy and Ammamma (grand mother). Papa is still on the ‘dispersing wisdom ‘ mode.

Papa: “You should practice to drink tea or coffee. Wherever you go, you will be offered either of these, and you shouldn’t be fussy and ask for juice or horlicks”

Me: *STARE*

Papa: “why cant you drink TEA like everyone else” GRR

Me: “‘ Why cant everyone else drink Horlicks ?”

The conversation ends there, and Ammamma laughs away hysterically, totally unaware of the fact that we all know that she drinks Junior Horlicks 1-2-3.

Back to office,and Onam celebrations back home gets into the pages of graceful yet painful memories as the claws of nostalgia firms its grip hard on me, so much that inspite of work piling in my bucket, I manage to sneak out of office and go home just to sleep on the couch. The frequency of STD calls to home are aggressively high and the bills are alarming. I guess Papa is partially true when he says that Airtel survives just because of me. I never take a look at my watch when I make a call to home or friends, because even during financially tough times, I think time spent for relationships which are priceless should not be measured.

Onam was special this time, as I had my grandma accompany us to our home, when we went to visit her. I persuaded her to come with us, and she did. Her face is still the perfect circle, the reason why we used to assume that she is the daughter of the then ‘Circle’ Inspector, (stale joke I know), and she gets softer each time. Her culinary expertise is phenomenal that even water is tasty if she boils it. I might be the mark of disgrace to the family in this area, as my mom and sister have invariably inherited the great culinary skills of my grandma.
I am glad Papa has not tasted any of my dishes, as once he tastes it he will cut my side of the branch from the family tree.

That’s all this time :). Have a nice weekend, folks!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Tagged!

This is to notify one of my fellow bloggers ( meet this blogger at: http://themindmeanders.blogspot.com/ ) that I am also 'proudly stupid'!
Here it comes...!

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4
Aperture…adjustments…focal length. ..Its the user manual of the camera I recently bought.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can & catch air?
Grabbed some air.. and a chair.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
one Malayalam movie which they played on asianet today morning.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
2:30 pm?

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
2:15 pm.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My neghbour's dog barking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Stepped in to home from outside by 7 a.m.

8. Before you started this Q&As, what did you look at?
My blog.

9. What are you wearing?
A red and black cotton pants and white t shirt.

10. When did you last laugh?

Just half an hour back.

11. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Basically paint… also a calendar, clock, two ravi varma paintings, 2 small sony speakers.

12. Seen anything weird lately?
Havent seen.. but heard something weird.

13. What do you think of this quiz?-
Nothing.

14. What is the last film you saw?
At the theatre- Bhramaram. On TV – Arabikadha.

15. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Would first finish my credit card dues.

16. Tell me something about you that I dunno!
I don’t know!

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Attitude.

18. Do you like to Dance?
Yes, at home, alone.

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Shyamala

20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Komalan.

21. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes, not only for the lucrative salaries, but to see the world, to learn about people, to widen my views, and to do a lot of shopping..!

22. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
My dear daughter, I am impressed by your performance. You are a lot better than your peers at office and you are brilliant. You are appointed as the manager for the project that you were working on, during the period 2008 – 2009. All your senior managers will report to you henceforth. They are currently in hell. Will appoint them soon.


So..that was it.Anyone who visits this blog, or even had gone through it, can consider answering this..! Pass it on..!