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If someone genuinely asks me what I do for a living I politely dismiss that conversation by saying ‘Software’. This response is so generic that it is like asking me what I had for breakfast and I say ‘Food’. Most people do not ask further questions or prompt me to get into details because who has the time for that, right? Yes, there are exceptions when a random curious George wants to know exactly what I do. In such scenarios, I humbly reveal that I am a programmer. I get an ‘Oh wow’ or mildly appreciative looks from guys and ‘You Bitch’ looks from ladies. It makes me feel intelligent. I like that feeling. I never had this feeling when I was a student due to obvious reasons, so it is special.
Programmers are NOT nerds and our lives do not suck like it is perceived widely. I mean we are not as hot as the ones you saw in the movie ‘The Matrix’. No, I did not understand any part of that movie but we don’t wear leather body suits and kill people like they did. If you have a programmer friend here are some things you may want to know.
- A programmer never does the same type of work more than once. Every scenario and logic is different. Hence, they get easily bored unless something or someone is very spontaneous and exciting. We hate anything that is mundane.
- There is no rule book for any programming language. If an extra space or worse, a dot is typed into the code, the program gets pissed and throws errors as if we broke up with it. We handle super-sensitive tantrum throwing humans with ease.
- A programmer analyzes codes; they are hawk-eyed by default. They read between the lines. If you plan to date a programmer, pay attention to macroscopic details. Bro, she is going to find that stain on your shirt, unkempt nails and unpolished shoe and judge you on the first sight.
- They apply logic not only in their codes but also in their lives. No programmer ever got hitched to a politician.
- Programmers get mad when they are required to change a code that was already written and tested. We don’t like change.
- Once a program is saved without errors it creates a version in the system. So, if we don’t murder you even after you show your true colors, you have successfully created a version with us and you are special, my friend, truly special.
- Programmers have debugged a lot of errors, so they know all typical error types. This applies to human beings too. We never forget. If the programmer in question is a woman, then God help you.
- Writing a program requires patience and passion. We cannot hate our job and write a logically correct program at the same time. We are driven by passion. We don’t write a single line of code just for fun.
- Programmers have dealt with a lot of major disasters which were a result of trivial errors. Do not mess with us. We have the experience of deleting entire programs and make it look like it dint exist.
If you piss off a programmer, just know that what follows will be a CODE RED situation.
Hit ESCAPE !